I want to talk about my experience which all of you may consider this as a joke or something that is not a big deal… I know this is way unlike my previous posts such as fashion, ootd or makeup and maybe some of you would think twice to read it. but here I’m going to be sharing with all of you the other side of me that I want to talk about, and I hope you guys can take the positive side of it…


The story began when it was my Elementary School reunion. I have this one friend that I have never ever met since I graduated from Elementary, because I moved all the way to Jakarta. I was so careless that even sometimes I forgot their names, not because I did it on purpose, but it’s because I honestly am soo bad at remembering things. So, at the night where I got invited to my Elementary school group chat, they said there was an important thing to talk about the reunion and just to keep in touch and keep the ‘silaturahmi’ between each and every one of us. So then I joined the group. At the beginning, It was so fun to just have chit chats with old friends talking about nostalgic things and stuffs I could slightly remember.

They asked me stuff like, ‘Fir, where have you been?’ , ‘Fir, long time no see!’ , etc. Long story short, after a few days I joined this group there are things that annoyed me about one of my friends that always says cheap jokes like physical-shaming. It happened in a very long time like almost every day he insulted one of my friend in the group. I know those were only jokes, but man, physical-shaming is nothing funny! And the rest of the group never stopped him from joking like that, they even joined him.

The insulted one could do nothing besides laughing or keeping it silent. They said things like, ‘You’re so black.’ , ‘I’ll wait till you get brighter skin then I would want to talk to you’ , ‘You are just like one of a plastic surgery failure’ , ‘You look like a thug’ , and so on… And I don’t know why I feel like I couldn’t stand just being a silent reader in the group, so i thought that I should do something to make them stop. Have you ever imagined if his parents (the bullied one) just scrolled down the group chat and saw their son being treated like that?? It would be such a pain. They raised their son not to be treated that way! Right at that moment, I immediately replied the insulting words at the group and defend him even he never asked me to. I know maybe this is the way they joke around, but I can’t let myself careless about this kind of thing.
I replied ‘I thought this group was made to continue our silaturahmi but it is more like a discussion about insulting about how other people look. Isn’t it? Have you all grown up? Like are there no other things to discuss about.’ And suddenly, they were in silent… It was super awkward.
The bully said, ‘We’re friends, right? So it’s okay to joke like this.’ The bullied one then replied, ‘It’s okay he never tired of insulting me anyway, hehe.’
But you know what? I’m 100% sure he pretended to be okay on the outside, but who knows how he truly feels inside, right? Maybe he cried or feels so ashamed of himself. No one in this world ever wants to be a bully material. The bullied then personally chat me all of sudden he thanked me because I was defending him in the group and tried to be honest with me about how he actually felt.

He said, ‘Why did you defend me? Do you even remember which one I was in our class?’. I replied, ‘Of course I still remember you were so cheerful and so humble back then.’ I know I am careless, I forgot other people’s name easily, but when they do good things or being kind to me I will cherish them forever. I still remember the bullied one is not bad looking AT ALL. He got thick eyebrows, and tanned skin. He always jokes in the class and was a super nice person! He is more than the insulting words my other friends said.
Insulting or physical-shaming won’t make you a better looking person even if you might be the coolest people in the world, that would only make you being forgotten easily. No one would really remember you. Kindness will always win, kindness will always be remembered even if it’s a small one.

After that, no one shows up in the group chat. Hmm yea I know that was all because of me. But I’m proud of myself tbh. Even after that they told me I took things too seriously and they said I didn’t know how to joke. Still, I’m proud of myself.

So I ended up leaving the group chat.
If you see some strangers and they’re in fact is short, are you brave enough to tell them ‘You’re short.’
I’m sure no one is brave enough to tell them that. But billions of other people in social media have the guts to say rude comments because they are being too coward to tell their opinion directly, because they thought ‘It’s my opinion. I can say what I want’. This hit me hard every time I see those kind of people. For those who get bullied out there don’t be afraid, you have the right to defend yourself. You are more than what you think! I know this post won’t make any difference for most people to care more but I hope some of you will get what I mean. To care and start to act against the bullies. There are no limits or rules for beauty, we have our own perspective if others can’t see it.

The new cool is being kind… maybe we should all learn to stop bullying as children and grownups.

Love yourself!
I am, Firrrr
I care and I act
I am way more than your opinion.

13 thoughts on “THE NEW COOL IS BEING KIND”

  1. Hi, fir! I don’t know how to say it, but, yes, I’m so agree with your thoughts. People nowadays are too easy making jokes that aren’t funny at all. Especially if the topic is about physical-matters. And what I don’t understand is, do they feel satisfied after bullying another? While the truth is, they just make such a pain for another and sin for themselves.

    Really nice post, fir 🙂

  2. Shit I totally agree. I am a women with acnes problem, so skinny and dark skin. My boyfriend used to comment about it because he thought it would make me try harder to fix em, but honestly it breaks my heart a bit like “okay I am this ugly and you might find someone prettier than me”. No one have the right to complain about physical of anyone. Seriously. Even if the closest people.

  3. firrr, I had the same problem with my friend just like you when they actually start to tell me like ‘it’s just a joke, you take it too seriously. and even you are not the one who get bullies” whatever but I was keep cheering up that bullied one. and yes it because I also couldn’t stand myself by seeing someone being bullied by everyone

  4. ah, firrrr. who on earth would leave this post easily? i even did read this from the title till the end! i love the way you told us through your writing style. it’s such a … how to say, simple yet deepest. go for it, firrrr! sometimes i wonder ever you experienced a silly thing called as alay phase? XD i mean you always act mature

  5. wow, i got goosebumps reading ur article. i totally agree that being mean wont do anything good to you, but by doing kindness, people will remember u and eventually will repay ur kindness. karma exist, u reap what u sow. enjoyed reading it 🙂

  6. I’m proud of yourself too, firrrr! When I defend my friend that often got bullied, people won’t even dare to making fun again. hehe. Honestly I just… worried about people that still making fun with someone’s physics.. like are they lack of material for jokes or? and yes, i agree with the title.

  7. The bullies always said it is all for jokes. But what if the bullied one took it seriously? He must be attacked by the word “baper bgtsih elah” and everyone cheers on the bullies. I’m a fat woman since i was born and been struggling with kind of this things. Seriously, physical-ashaming should be banned because when the bullied took it seriously they can be depressed inside, it might be really dangerous and we never know. So just stop, there are many things more important as a ‘basa-basi’ than insulting other’s insecurities

  8. I do agree with you firrrr!
    Somestimes, i got that kind of jokes by my friends at college.
    Just because they are close to me, they such an easy for making a jokes of physics

  9. I love the way you care about this problem, i mean many people dont see body-shaming as a problem.
    I love your blog and i wish you could write this kind of things more❤️

  10. Hi kak fir!
    I’m honestly happy there are still people who think that’s not a joke, I’m in a group of high school friends, sometimes they are very bad with jokes, worse still in the group there are teachers, but they still do not care. one day, my friend inserted a memorable photo of high school, then there was one of my friends who talked about the skin color of one of the friends in the photo, and then another friend unknowingly helped the bully to say more, I know their intentions are joking, or like ceplos ceplos, but in my opinion it is very out of bounds, sometimes I get the words, they say “skinny skeletal” Or “u are like a skull walking” and etc. i feel so sad but i’m even sadder when they also know that bullying are not allowed, they are just about defending bully victims, but like they are not aware of what they have done so far, and hopefully they quickly realize and stop being annoying in the media social or real world. especially for his own good. By the way, thanks for post this one:) i’m very agree with you kak! 🙂 (i’m sorry to my bad english)

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